my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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