Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
