Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
