I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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