from now on my penis is your penis
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
