i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize