How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
