I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
