I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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