It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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