i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
