just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
