My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
