are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
