Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
