I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
