My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
