it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All the doctor said was why
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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