If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
