I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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