who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
