Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
