It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
