Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
