so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
