Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
