Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
