You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
