I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
