well I can't set my house on fire every night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize