Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
