if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
meet me or not, i'm out of control
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I stole a fireplace last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
