Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
