after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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