haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
