life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize