then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
