Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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