Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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