it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
