This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
