sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Welp...herpes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I could fuck to npr.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
