one two three fourrrrnication!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
