I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
