i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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