Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
