I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
