You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
