cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
