Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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