Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
