Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
