My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
