apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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