he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
