I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
