Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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