I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
