i think my tv is drunk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize