sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
