When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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