she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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