Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
MIDGETS
????
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
