so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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