You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
