i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
