i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize