And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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