Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
