I wish I only lived at night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
smell my finger.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize