Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
wow bdsm is so cute
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize