I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
