I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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