I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
