I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
