naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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