Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
