It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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