I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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