I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
