i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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