there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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