Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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