their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
