why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
where does the pee come out of this thing
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
