I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize