I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
