My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
