What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
