i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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