Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
