i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we're making bets on your personal life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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