That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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