Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
