my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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