how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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