i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
