porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
