He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
