okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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