Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
