wakey wakey hands off snakey
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
