So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
