the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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