When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
