I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
