About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
