I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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